Jokes1: Athiest Cries Out To God

Revelation of Jokes at Godshew.org

Clearity:
Godshew.org's 'ha ha' jokes also have an 'ah ha' goal:
Jokes at Godshew.org aren't intended to off end anyone;
Stories aren't just written for ha ha, but also allegoric moral.
See also GodShew's Punny things to LOL about, but also learn from.

Grace unto you, and peace, from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ

Athiest Cries Out To God, And Gets His God Wish

An athiest was taking a walk through the valley of shadow of death woods. My, what majestic trees! What beautiful animals! What powerful rivers! He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside a powerful river he heard a loud rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a seven foot grizzly bear charge toward him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked back and saw the bear was closing. He looked again. The bear was even closer. In fear mode his legs failed; he tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but the bear was now on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

The athiest cried out: "Oh my God!" Immediately time stopped, the bear froze, the forest and river went silent. A bright light shone on the athiest, and a voice came out of the sky: "You deny my existence all these years, teach others I don't exist, even credit what I created and made to cosmic accident. And now you cry out to me, expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to now count you as a believer?"

The athiest looked into the bright light and said: "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian believer now, but perhaps you could grant me a wish: make the bear a Christian instead". "Very well", said the skyward voice. The bright light went out. The sounds of the forest and river resumed.

The bear dropped his right paw about to strike, brought both paws together, bowed his head to the ground, and spoke these words: "Lord, Bless this food I am about to eat, having received it from thy bounty through Christ Jesus the lord. Amen.".

"Oh my God", said the man of child/man kinds such as Saul/Paul, now addressing the only true God of false/true Gods, "that God" who is all light and no darkness at all, "the only wise God" of foolish/wise Gods, "the God of all grace", who cannot kid(lie).

Then the bear vanished, for it twas only a shew, to shew [who is] the only Potentate.

Send us a good God joke
email it to approved@godshew.org

Heaven Joke

A guy dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter issues him a white robe,a harp, and his very own cloud to float around on. The guy thinks this is great.

One day he sees another cloud float by. The guy on that cloud has a gorgeous, naked woman and a keg of beer with him.

The first guy finds St. Peter and complains to him. "How come this guy gets a gorgeous babe and keg of beer, when all I got is this white robe and a lousy harp?

St. Peter says, "I know just who you're talking about. He's

being punished." The guy can't believe what he's hearing. "How can that be?", he asks.

"Well," says St. Peter, "The keg has a hole in it,and the girl

doesn't."

...................................................................................................................

Don't Be Nervous

>An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?"

>"Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me .. . your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."

Divine Encounter!

In a church in Nigeria the pastor was preaching,and all of a sudden he exclaimed,shout halleluya! Unfurtunately the cilling fan above the pastor was very close.Moreover while shouted halleluya raised up his rigth hand,and the cilling fan chopped off his finger,immediately he shouted again"sungo ooo" and sungo is the name of an ancient Yoruba god {Yoruba is one of the three major tribe in Nigeria}.However when you have an encounter what is inside of you will manifest.

Adedayo Moses Olaniyi

(A Nigerian from kwara state)

Adult-ery Doesn't Pay

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that she wanted to live in the couple's multi-million dollar home, and since the man's lawyers were a little better, he prevailed. He gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything cleaning & mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit... Repairmen refused to work in the house...The maid quit... Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back... Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth... But only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home... ..including the curtain rods.

A man goes to Confession-all

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Colin McKeown?"
Yes, Father, Tis I."
And who was the woman you were with?"
"Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her
reputation."
"Well, Colin, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well
tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Brydie Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
"Was it Mary Catherine Morgan?"
"Me lips are sealed Father."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad,Colin McKeown, and
I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend
church for three months. Be off with you now."
Colin walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers,
"What'd you get?"

"Three month's vacation and five good leads," says Colin.

It's an all's well that ends well God shew, shewdown,
an "allegory"... written "aforetime" for y(our) "learning"
and because "his angel" gets to play the "last trump" it:

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ with you all. Amen.